The Beginning of the End
by JessalynandGarrett
Summary: All Steve ever had was Bucky. They were best friends. From the beginning until the end. Alexandra Rebekah Barnes was his best friend. She's there for him no matter what. Female Bucky.
1. The Beginning

**April 23, 1936: Three years before WW2.**

Steve sat at his kitchen table in front of his mother Sarah. He was holding an ice pack to his bruised face. His mother faced him and sighed, "Steven, you can't keep getting into fights. Someone is going to hurt you badly one day. Your body just isn't designed for it sweetheart." Steve looked up at his mom, anger and hurt in his eyes. "Mom, they were making fun of my friendship with Bucky. Said bad things about Bucky." Sarah's eyes softened at the mention of Steve's friend. She went to say something but was cut off by a sarcastic snort. "C'mon punk, you know I could've handled that without it getting physical. Besides, they sure ain't gonna say anything now." Alex said while wrapping her busted knuckles. Sarah turned to tear into the girl, "Alexandra, you can't enable him to fight. He knows that if he gets into one you'll always finish it for him. He needs to learn that he's not gonna have you someday."

Alex wouldn't have been phased by what Sarah said but she saw the tears welling up in the small teenagers eyes and made her way to him. She bent in front of him and tilted his head up toward hers. "Listen to me Steve, I'm here with you till the end of the line. Ain't nothing gonna take me away from you. Besides, who would keep you out of trouble if I was gone?" Steve looked up at Alex and smiled. "Thanks Bucky." Alex rolled her eyes and stood up. "I still don't know where he got that nickname from. Makes you sound like a boy my dear." Sarah said softly. She was no longer facing the teenagers as her heart was heavy with shame. Alex moved to continue wrapping her knuckles. "Sarah, do you care if I stay here tonight? I don't want my ma to ask me about these quite yet." Sarah nodded her approval.

Alex moved past Steve and picked up the phone. She dialed her home number and informed her mother of her intent. Once Alex had permission she moved to sit down beside Steve. "You still working on those sketches?" She asked quietly while Sarah moved to make dinner. Steve's head shot up. "Of course I do! I'm hopeful that I can get into Art school." Alex smiled at Steve's excitement. "I expect you'll find you a nice gal someday soon. You'll impress her with your talent." Alex teased the smaller man. He blushed and pushed Alex as hard as he could, which admittedly wasn't much. She mock gasped, feigning pain. "Bucky, you know that no gal will give me the time of day. I'm too scrawny for them." Alex laughed, "You just haven't found the right one."

Sarah smiled at the stove hearing the interaction between her son and his best friend. She hoped that Alex would become Steve's wife but knew that would most likely never happen. But she knew that the two teens would remain friends no matter what.

 **December 7, 1939: Two years before American involvement in WW2**

Decembers in Brooklyn were rough, Alex had become accustomed to them. However, there was one person who never had an easy time in the winter. Alex had just gotten off of work at the hospital and was on her way to see her best friend. She knew that winter was rougher on him than most. Knowing that Steve most likely had the flu she had gotten him some medicine and decided to buy him some art supplies for when he recovered. Alex didn't work or live that far from his house because of this. She opened his door with the spare key and escaped the wintery cold to experience a less biting cold in his house. Making her way upstairs toward her friend, Alex shed her hat and scarf. Reaching his room she went inside.

Steve was lying on his bed shivering under a thin blanket with a waste basket nearby. Alex sat down on the side of his bed. "Have you drank anything today Steve?" He slowly shook his head. Alex sighed, "You need to or you're gonna end up in the hospital punk. Can't have that happening can we?" Not expecting an answer, Alex went to get him a glass of water. Bringing the glass to his bedside Alex helped him sit up to drink. Steve drank as much as he could without getting sick to his stomach, which was about a fourth of it. Alex sat back down and opened the bag she brought with her. "I brought you some medicine." Steve frowned. "Bucky you shouldn't do that. Medicine is expensive."

"Listen punk, I'm always gonna take care of ya so get used to it. Now either you take this willingly or I force it down your throat." Alex threatened. Steve gulped and took the medicine without another complaint, knowing that Alex would stay true to her word. After he swallowed the pills Alex smiled. "Now listen, as soon as you are better we are going out dancing. I got ya a date and everything. Maybe she'll be the one." Steve looked at Alex blankly, "I don't wanna go out dancing Bucky." Alex shook her and motioned for him to scoot over which he did. She crawled in beside him and pulled his small body toward hers and said, "Listen punk, you ain't gotta choice. Do it to humor me please." Knowing the Alex doesn't say please very often, Steve nodded. He moved closer to her. For some reason Alex's body was a furnace, but the heat was welcomed.

Steve fell asleep quickly while Alex stayed awake out of concern for her friend. She wanted to make sure that Steve didn't deteriorate during his sleep. The poor kid wasn't able to handle season changes and winter was always worse. If he didn't get severe asthma attacks then he would end up with the flu and sometimes pneumonia. Alex always made sure to be around during the winter time. She was brought out of her thoughts by Steve's bony elbow going into her side. A dull pain shot through her side but she ignored it. She was used to it. She didn't complain because Steve's comfort was more important than hers. Steve soon stopped moving and fell into a deep sleep. Seeing her friend was okay Alex allowed herself to relax and she soon fell into a deep sleep as well.

 **April 9, 1940: One year before American involvement in WW2**

Alex sat at Steve's kitchen table drinking coffee waiting on the small man to make an appearance. He rushed down the stairs yelling at Alex. She turned to look at him. "Come again? I can't understand yelling. And you're gonna give yourself an asthma attack." Steve slowed down, threw the newspaper at Alex, and tried to catch his breath. Alex picked up the newspaper. The headline jumped out at her. ' **Nazi Forces Invade Denmark and Norway. Will the fighting travel to the U.S?'** Alex snorted at the article. "Bucky do you think the United States will get involved?" Steve asked his friend. Alex laughed dryly. "It'd be a damn shame that Europe couldn't handle the ambitions of one man. Only time will tell punk, but I doubt that we'll get involved with another European war." Alex's blue eyes met Steve's and she smiled. "Don't get your hopes up for a war Steve. It'll be over before America even needs to be involved." Steve nodded though he seemed put out.

Alex got up and laughed. "Come on Steve, we gotta go to work." Alex pulled the man out of his house and locked the door. Fortunately for the friends the hospital was right next to the factory that Steve worked in. The friends parted ways, with Alex promising to meet him at his house for dinner. She made her way toward trauma ward and set to work on a man who was injured by an explosion. "Sir what is your name?" She asked him trying to keep him awake. "Gabriel Jones ma'am." Alex moved over to started cleaning the wounds. "Can you tell me what happened to you?" As Jones was about to speak another man entered the room. He was decorated with military ranks. "That's classified Ms. Barnes. All we can tell you is that he was involved in an accident." Alex nodded even though she was annoyed that Jones wasn't allowed to speak for himself. "Thank you sir. Who are you if I may ask?" Alex said back trying not to sound harsh as she bandaged the wounded man. "Colonel Chester Phillips ma'am." He replied in a kind voice.

Alex smiled tersely at him and finished bandaging Jones's wounds. "When might he be released?" Phillips asked her. Alex estimated quickly in her head. "Well Colonel, based on the severity of his wounds I'd give it around a week or so before he can be released from the hospital. However that doesn't mean he will be going on active duty. I'd say to wait at least two weeks after he is discharged before he gets around anything that may cause an accident." Alex wanted to say more but she was pulled away by the phone. "Ms. Barnes, it's Mr. Jameson from the factory." The voice on the other end said. "What's happened now?" Alex asked worried. "We have had an accident that requires medical attention. Could you spare some time to come over here?" He asked her. Alex's breath hitched. "Of course. I'll be right over."

Alex ran to the nurse's station. "Annie, watch over the military man in room two. He needs his dressings changed every three hours. I have to run over to the factory there's been an accident." The nurse, Annie, nodded and let Alex go on her way. Alex grabbed her medical bag and ran over to the factory unknowingly being watched by Colonel Phillips. She opened the doors to see almost all the men, save for Steve and a few others, huddled around one spot. She also heard screaming coming from the middle of the men. "Move!" Alex commanded the men. They were about to object until they saw it was Alex. No one dared invoked the wrath of Alexandra Barnes. She moved toward the injured man. His hand had been severed from his body and was nowhere to be found. "Someone tell me what happened now!" Alex barked out.

One man hesitantly stepped forward and spoke up. "He was on the line where the machine separates the parts and cuts them in half. He wasn't paying attention and his hand was caught in the blade. We haven't be able to find it." Alex nodded, all of her attention was on stopping the bleeding. She grabbed the iodine from her bag and poured it on the wound. The man screamed even more and started to thrash around. "Someone come here and keep him from moving." Alex commanded. Three men surrounded him and held him down so Alex could continue her work. She stood up and took a large, flat piece of metal and stuck it down in the fire. "Keep holding him down. Make sure you have a good hold on him cause this is gonna hurt like hell." Alex walked over with the white hot piece of metal and kneeled down. She quickly placed the hot metal on his wound and held it there for one minute exactly before pulling it away and tossing it into a container of water.

His screams were deafening. Once she pulled it away Alex saw the bleeding had stopped and she could now move him to the hospital. She stood up and wiped the sweat from her forehead. "Can you walk?" She asked the man. He shook his head no and then lay his head back down. She looked at the three men that held him down and said, "Carry him and follow me over to the hospital." The men gathered the injured man and followed Alex to the hospital. She walked past Steve and gave him a nod to let him know that she had seen him. When they got him into a bed at the hospital she dismissed the factory workers and thanked them for their help. She spent the next three hours of her shift tending to the injured factory worker and the military man. After her shift ended she went to head home.

She heard some yelling in the alley beside where Steve worked and went to see what was going on. She turned the corner to see Steve cornered by a rather large man. She sighed used to having save Steve. The man punched her friend and that was when Alex saw red. "Hey asshole, why don't ya leave the man alone!" She said rather calmly for how mad she was. The man turned around and laughed seeing a woman standing there at the scrawny man's defense. "Did your wife come to save ya little man? It's a damn shame that-" He was cut off by Alex punching him in the face. She busted his nose and stepped back. He got up and hit her right back. He landed one punch on her jaw before she took him to his knees. He looked up at the angry woman and gulped. He realized that he had truly made a mistake. She looked at him for one moment longer before bringing her knee to his head and knocking him unconscious.

Alex then turned to Steve to make sure he was okay. She pulled him up and hugged him, being careful not to hug him very hard. "Are you alright?" Steve looked up at her in anger and pushed her away. "I'm fine, I had him you know." Alex looked down and said, "Sure ya did punk." Steve glared at her and said, "I did, jerk." Alex laughed and pulled him down the street toward their shared house. They weren't aware that the entire fight was being observed. Colonel Phillips made sure to find Ms. Barnes's number. She could be useful sometime in the future.

 **A/N: Hello all, and just so you know the invasion of Denmark and Norway did happen on that date. Any war event that isn't mentioned in the movie will be an event that happened during WW2 but with the input of certain characters. I love having a female Bucky but she won't be romantically involved with Steve. They are just friends. Beside changing Bucky's gender everything else should essentially stay the same. ~Jess**


	2. Surprises and Disappointments

**December 12, 1941: America enters WW2**

Today was a rare day. Alex had a day off from work. Alex knew that it was due to events that happened five days prior. The bombing of Pearl Harbor had taken everyone by surprise. It came as no surprise to Alex when the United States had entered the war. What surprised Alex the most was Steve trying to enlist as soon as he could. He was currently enrolled in an art class which would be better for him than a war. Although now Alex was in an awkward position. She had received a call from Colonel Phillips, she had treated one of his soldiers the year before. He told her that she was being chosen for training on his personal recommendation. She was shipping out to Wisconsin for training in a week and she hadn't even told her best friend. She felt awful about it but she couldn't help being chosen. Alex wasn't sure how exactly she was gonna tell Steve about it, but she knew that it had better be soon.

"When were you gonna tell me Alex?" Steve yelled at her once he walked into their shared apartment. Alex turned around to see her best friend was very livid and she knew that someone else had told him. "Tell you what? That I was chosen for something that was out of my control? I was gonna tell you today. How the hell did you find out anyway?" Alex replied, albeit calmer than the small man. Steve stared at his best friend in disbelief. He couldn't believe that Alex wouldn't be happy about being able to fight when he tried so desperately. "I heard from some guys from the factory that you were being sent to Wisconsin. It's kind of a big deal having a woman going off to war when half of the men won't even enlist." Steve muttered angrily. Alex sighed knowing that he was more hurt that he heard it from someone else first.

Alex pulled Steve into a hug and held him tight. "Listen punk I would've told you sooner but I just found out myself today. I have no choice in this. The Colonel of the SSR personally put in word for me to go. I'll be back here before shipping off to Europe. Maybe you'll get accepted by the time I get to Europe." Alex said into his hair. Steve smiled sadly as he held onto Alex as tight as he could. "Be careful Bucky. I need my best friend. Who else is gonna help me fight the bullies?" Alex smiled and kissed Steve's forehead. She pulled away from her best friend. "How about we go out to that one diner you like? It'll be fun. Take your mind off of things." Steve nodded and the friends headed out to for a night of fun.

 **January 25, 1942: Alex returns to Brooklyn**

Alex stepped off the bus that brought her back from basic training. She was amazed that she had passed through and surpassed most of the men in her camp. She had received her assignment. She would be shipping out on January 26th. She was the first and only female Sergeant. She would be commanding the 107th. Alex couldn't wait to inform Steve of her progress. Though at the same time she was hesitant to tell him. The man was so set on getting into the army that she didn't want to make him feel bad if he didn't get in. She let those anxious thought leave her mind and began to walk toward the apartment they shared.

* * *

Steve sat in an examination room with an army doctor waiting to find out if he could join the army or not. He wanted to with all of his being. The want was greater than his want to be an artist. The doctor finally looked up from Steve's file and looked at the scrawny man. "Rogers. What did your father die of?" Steve gulped before replying, "Mustard gas. He was in the hundred and seventh infantry. I was hoping I could be assigned…" The doctor stopped listening to him and prepared to ask the next question. "Your mother?" Steve sighed. "She was a nurse in a TB ward. Got hit, couldn't shake it." The doctor looked back down at Steve's file and studied it, making sure to mentally note all of the man's health issues.

"Sorry son." The doctor said getting ready to stamp a 4F on the man's file. Steve's heart jumped into his throat, he was getting denied. "Look, just give me a chance." The doctor looked up at the poor kid who wanted to fight in the war. In the doctor's opinion, it was best the kid had all these health issues. "You'll be ineligible on your asthma alone." Steve looked down. He was upset that he was getting denied on his one chance to do something from to help his country. "Is there anything I can do?" He asked desperately. The doctor smiled bitterly and said, "You're doing it. I'm saving your life." He then stamped a 4F on Steve's file, confirming Steve's denial of enlistment and confirming what Alex had said some time before.

Steve decided to go watch a movie about a war and was actually enjoying it quite a bit. He was lucky that his and Alex's apartment was across the street from the cinema. The movie was about halfway through when some guy started being rude and trash talked the soldiers in the movie. Steve couldn't understand why the men wouldn't sign up to fight for their country in this great war. Alex was more of a man than any of these so called men in the cinema. He couldn't keep his mouth shut and that's how he ended up in the alleyway behind his apartment getting beat up by the man he had told to be quiet.

"You just don't know when to give up, do you?" The man asked Steve as he hit him again. Steve stood back up and put his hands up into a defensive position. He was going to prove that he could handle himself in a fight. Right as the man went to hit and Steve went to attempt a block, the man was pulled away and turned around. He was turned around to face a woman in a military uniform. Alex pulled her left hand back and hit the jerk square in the face, the weeks of military training had put more power behind her punches. He went to his knees on the first hit and she then brought her knee up to his face. In the process broke his nose and knocked him unconscious. Alex then turned to her friend and pulled him up. "You know, sometimes I think you like getting punched." Alex remarked to the bruised man.

Steve stared at his best friend, while he was elated she was back from training he couldn't believe that she had saved him once more. "I had him on the ropes." Steve replied back to his friend trying to defend himself. But he saw that Alex had bent over and picked up his enlistment forms. She started reading them and asked, "How many times is this?" Alex had expected this coming from Steve and she knew he would be devastated every time he was denied. Steve ignored her question in favor of his own,"Did you get your orders?" Alex looked down at her best friend and smiled. "The 107th. Sergeant Alexandra Barnes. First female sergeant in the army. Shipping for England tomorrow."

Steve looked at the ground and then back up at Alex. "I should be going too." Alex smiled sadly at her small friend and said, "Come on. It's my last night here. Gotta get you cleaned up." Alex started teasing him toward the end. Steve looked at Alex confused. "Why? Where are we going?" Steve asked Alex. She smiled and said, "The future," handed him a newspaper that advertised the World Exposition, "You're about to be the last eligible man in New York. You know, there's three and a half million women here. Surely you'll find your perfect gal." Steve looked at Alex, "Hell, I'd settle for just one."

Alex laughed, "It's a good thing that everyone's gonna go to war. You'll have your pick. But for now you're stuck with me." Alex started walking toward the entrance of their apartment building. Steve stayed somewhat behind her and muttered, "You're all I need Bucky. You're my perfect gal." He stared for a minute before following her up to the apartment. Alex helped Steve to clean any wounds he sustained from his alley fight and they began to head to the Expo.

* * *

Alex smiled as she and Steve got closer to the front. "Stark believes he's close to getting flying cars in the future. Wouldn't that be wonderful?" Alex asked Steve quietly. Howard Stark made his way to the middle of the stage to begin his presentation. "Ladies and gentlemen, what if I told you that in just a few short years, your automobile won't even have to touch the ground at all. With Stark robotic reversion technology, you'll be able to do just that." Alex watches as Stark turns on his machine and the car starts to hover. Alex stared in wonder. "That's amazing." She said this mostly to herself but Steve still heard. "I did say a few years didn't I?" Stark said with a laugh.

Alex turned to ask Steve if he wanted to stay or leave but when she did he was no longer beside her. She scanned the room and found him where she knew he would be. Alex marched over to the enlistment poster and found Steve staring at it longingly. "You really gonna do this again?" She asked angrily. She couldn't believe that Steve was willing to go to war. Steve stared at his friend, who was enlisted before him as a WOMAN, and said, "Well, it's a fair. I'm gonna try my luck." Alex stared at him in disbelief. Why on earth did he want this so badly? "As who? Steve from Ohio? They'll catch you. Worse, they'll actually take you." Alex said slowly losing her hold on her temper. To her Steve was being unreasonable and vice versa. Steve looked up at Alex with a steely expression. "Look, I know you don't think I can do this." Steve said slowly trying to get his point across to Alex. Alex put her hand on Steve's shoulder and replied, "This isn't a back alley Steve. It's a war! Hell, I don't even want to be going but I have no choice. Why are you so willing to throw your life away for this war?" Alex asked him anger fading to concern.

Steve looked at Alex knowing she was only trying to look out for him. "I know it's a war. You don't have to tell me." Alex gave him a look that said 'are you sure'. "Why are you so keen to fight? There are so many important jobs." She replied to him, trying to make him see reason. "What am I gonna do? Collect scrap metal…" He asked. Alex interjected, "Yes!" Steve looked at her and continued, "... in my little red wagon." Alex rolled her eyes, "Why not?" Steve looked at her like she was crazy and replied a little loudly, "I'm not gonna sit in a factory, Bucky. Bucky, come on! There are men laying down their lives, and now so are you. I got no right to do any less than them or you. That's what you don't understand. This isn't about me."

Alex looked at him for a second. "Right. Cause you got nothing to prove. Don't do anything stupid until I get back." She said shoving his shoulder gently. Steve tried to shove her back but his small 5'3 frame was no match against her 5'11 build. "How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you." Steve retorted with a small smile on his face. "You're a punk." Was all she said before she hugged her small friend not wanting to let him go. Steve hugged her back and said, "Jerk. Be careful," Alex pulled away and started to walk away, "Don't win the war till I get there!" He yelled after her. Alex smiled back at him and began to walk home. She had to be up early to leave to go to England. Although it seemed as if Steve would stop trying to enlist, Alex knew that he wouldn't quit until he was arrested or accepted.

 **A/N Hello all, this is my second chapter and we actually get into the first Captain America movie. Just a heads up, I will be inserting some real events not mentioned in the movie to give the story some length and to really show Alex's leadership. I also had the idea of having Alex write letters to Steve. Some he would get before he becomes the Super Soldier, others would be given to him when he wakes up in the future. Let me know what you think about that. Also, don't be afraid to shoot me any questions you may have. I would like this story to be about 20 chapters. Although there may be more or there may be less. Depends on how I incorporate things into the story.**

 **~Love Jess.**


	3. Doctors and Missions

_Dear Steve:_

 _I hope you aren't trying to enlist still. I'd feel much better if you would just stick to working at the factory. I know it won't make you happy but humor me. The men over here are interesting to say the least. They didn't respect me at first, but that changed really fucking fast. I know, I know. I can hear you already reprimanding me for my unladylike language. But in a time of war I think being ladylike goes out of the damn window. There's a lot of uncertainty in this war, but there's one thing I know is for sure. I miss you._

 _Love Alexandra 'Bucky' Barnes_

Steve smiled at the letter that Alex had sent him. It wasn't unusual for Alex to use profanities when talking or writing. After all she was the one who had gotten Steve started on it. He frowned though when Alex mentioned quitting the enlistment process. He knew she would be very disappointed in him. He had already tried three times and failed.. He knew that soon they would be desperate enough to take anyone, even him. He knew that Alex would be disappointed. He knew she would be upset at the fact that her letter telling him to stop trying to enlist was sitting next and a blank enlistment form. It would be his fourth attempt to join the army and hopefully they would take him this time. He was on his way to the enlistment office to try once more. He was tempted to listen to Alex. If they didn't take him this time he should just give up on trying to get in. But he wouldn't do that. He was trying to get to his best friend, she shouldn't be alone in this war.

Steve sat in another enlistment office, in an examination room. He was nervous. Maybe this would be the time they put two and two together. Maybe he would be caught in his fraud. He was about to get up and leave when an older doctor walked in. He sat back down as the doctor flipped through his file. He was about to speak up in fear of the doctor rejecting him automatically. "So, you want to go overseas? Kill some Nazis." The doctor asked him in a German accent. Steve looked up shocked at the doctor.

"Excuse me?" Steve asked surprised. This was the first doctor that had even gotten past his health issues. Were they finally getting desperate enough to take the disabled men? Would all the women be next?

The doctor flipped through his file once more before looking back up at the frail man. "Where are you from Mr. Rogers? Mmm? Is it New Haven? Or Paramus? Five exams in five different cities." Steve's breath caught in his throat. Alex had been right. He had been caught. He was probably going to go to jail. Alex would murder him when she got home. He wasn't ready to deal with her disappointment.

"That might not be the right file." Steve said trying to talk his way of of trouble.

"No, it's not the exams I'm interested in. It's the five tries. But you didn't answer my question. Do you want to kill some Nazis?" Dr. Erskine asked once more. Directing Steve back to his original question. Steve thought that this had to be some kind of test and so he asked.

"Is this a test?" He questioned nervously.

` Erskine simply looked at Steve and said, "Yes."

"I don't wanna kill anyone. I don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from. Well, there are already so many big men fighting this war. Maybe what we need now is the little guy, huh?" Steve replied. ' _Also, I made a promise to Bucky.'_ He added mentally. He looked at the doctor's face and couldn't read whether he would clear him or not.

"I can offer you a chance. Only a chance." Erskine warned the little man. But thought that he had found the perfect candidate. Steve nodded excitedly.

"I'll take it!" Steve said. He was elated that he finally was given a chance. He was going to go help his best friend fight this war. She shouldn't be by herself.

"Good. So where is the little guy from, actually." Erskine asked with a hint of amusement in voice.

"Brooklyn." Steve replied. Steve watched as the doctor opened his file and stamped something in it. Erskine handed the file back to Steve and watched as the smaller man opened it. Steve smiled in relief as he sees that he has been accepted by this doctor.

"Congratulations, soldier." Erskine remarks to Steve. Steve nods and leaves. He gets out of the enlistment office as soon as he can. He wanted to get home as soon as possible. He couldn't wait to write to Alex to let her know that he would be shipping out soon. He was excited to fight for his country. He finally had the chance to fight for what was right. He walked outside and caught a cab. He couldn't stop staring at his enlistment forms.

* * *

Steve arrived at his house and went to check the mail. Hopefully he had gotten another letter from Alex. It had been over a month since he had gotten the last one. He was hoping for her to update him on how she was. He walked to the mailbox. It was mostly bills, but there were two letters in there addressed to him. He was elated to see that they were both from Alex. He remembered the mail service had closed down for a few weeks after most of the men had left for the war. He hadn't been able to write to her due to that and he doubted that she knew of it. But now it was functioning because women took up the vacant jobs. Steve hurried as fast as he could to his apartment so that he could read Alex's letters and reply.

Steve sat down and quickly opened the older letter.

 _Steve,_

 _I'm really glad you aren't here. It's a hundred times harder than any of those back alley fights you used to get into. I wish I was back home with you. I have the respect of all the men I serve with. It's like a brotherhood. Once they got over me being a woman, they haven't let anyone disrespect me. Not that I would put up with their shit anyway. That's enough about me. I want you to tell me all about Brooklyn and the factory. Have you found you a nice dame? If so, I can't wait to meet her. Please tell me that you have stopped trying to enlist. You could do so much better as an artist. Who else will draw the epic story of Steve and Bucky? I wish I could write more, but duty calls. I'll write when I can._

 _I love you Punk._

 _-Bucky_

Steve smiled at his friend's letter. He was glad to know that Bucky was being treated well. He was hesitant to open the second letter from Alex. He knew that she would be less than happy about his lack of response to her. She didn't enjoy being ignored. He knew that he had to respond as soon as possible. He tore the envelope open and began to read.

 _Steven Grant Rogers,_

 _You sure as hell better have a damn good reason as to why you haven't written me back. I'm going insane here. This place is hell. You are the only thing that is keeping me sane. I can't fucking believe that you would abandon me in this time. I'm really pissed off at you. I don't want to hear any pathetic excuse. Don't tell me that you forgot to write to me. Because that's unacceptable. How dare you forget about your best friend?!_

 _You know what, I'm sorry. For all I know you could been in the hospital dying of the common cold or something like that. I'm so sorry. War is stressful, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Damn it, Steve forgive me. I shouldn't have snapped at you. Like I said, you're my best friend. I don't know what I would do without you. Write back as soon as you can. I love you so much. You are my rock in this crazy world. Don't do anything stupid while I'm not there to save you. Okay?_

 _Love Bucky._

Steve inhaled as he read the letter. She had started yelling at him but stopped about halfway through. It was exactly as if Bucky was still at home. He smiled as he read the end of it. He loved her as well, but he didn't know if she loved him in the same way that he loved her. He took out a piece of his drawing paper and began writing his letter back to Bucky.

* * *

 **In Europe: Alex pov. Two weeks later:**

Alex sat in the barracks with some of the men. They were about to ship out on another mission. They were to take down a Hydra base. It was a very sensitive mission. One that they couldn't fail. They were drawing out their attack plan. "We must have anonymity as our ally. We need to make sure they do not know we are there. The minute they do, it'll turn into a shit storm. We must be discreet." Alex said looking at each of the men individually. They nodded before Alex stood up and walked out. The men she served with had gotten her into bad habits. She was drinking smoking like them. But instead of cigars, she would instead smoke cigarettes. She pulled out a metal pack and pulled out a cigarette. She lit it and indulged her cigarette. She inhaled deeply and blew it out of her mouth. A man approached her. He was carrying a messenger bag. The mail was finally coming in, she noted. The only person she received mail from was Steve. Her family had ceased contact the minute she had been deployed.

"A letter for a Ms. Alexandra Barnes!" He said. She nodded, keeping the cigarette and held out a hand for the letter. She inhaled from her cigarette once more.

"Thanks man." She said to the delivery man before walking away. She looked down at the letter and saw that it was from Steve. She smiled down at the letter before opening it.

 _Bucky,_

 _I can't begin to express how sorry I am. I know that this seems like a shitty excuse, but they stopped running the mail service. The lack of men shut almost every business down but the women started stepping up into the jobs. So I only just now got both of your letters. Don't apologize for being mad. If I was in your place I would have been just as mad. I have some great news. I have not found me a nice dame. I haven't had time to find me one. I finally got accepted for basic training. I ship out soon. Hopefully I can come to the same place where you are. I love you too Bucky. I cannot wait to see you again._

 _-Steve_

Alex smiled at the first part of Steve's letter and laughed a little. Of course that would be Steve's excuse for not writing to her. She almost wanted to tell him about his use of foul language and how he was being less than a gentleman. All humor was lost when he told her that he had finally been accepted. He just wouldn't give up. And now her worst fear had just come true. She did not want Steve to join the military. He would get himself killed because he would jump into the front line. She inhaled the last of her cigarette. "Goddamn it Steven, why can't you just stay at home?" She muttered bitterly. She threw the butt of her cigarette down walked over to the barracks to go to sleep. Tomorrow, they would be taking down Hydra. But before going to sleep, she decided to write two more letters. One would be to respond to Steve's previous letter, and the other would be for in case she didn't make it out. She would give the former to the postal service and the latter to her superior. Hopefully only one letter would be sent out while she was gone.

 **A/N Hello, I know there wasn't much of Alex in this chapter. However, this was a chapter to set up the beginning of the action in the first Captain America. It was very much to set up the 107th being captured by Hydra and Steve's admittance into the military. And I have changed my mind on one aspect of this story. In the first chapter I mentioned that this wouldn't have any romance between Steve and Bucky. That won't necessarily change, but I can't help but think that there would be some confusing feelings but that if they do act on them that nothing would change and find that there wasn't anything more than friendship. So I want your opinions on this. Should I do something like that? Because I have at this moment put Steve and Natasha together. Let me know what you think. ~Jess**


	4. Experiments and Hopes

Steve stood in a dark room with Dr. Erskine. He had finished his basic training and was elated to be told that he had been selected to receive the serum created by Erskine. He would be the first of the super soldiers. He was just a skinny asthmatic from Brooklyn, he didn't understand why he would be chosen for this experiment. "Can I ask you a question?" He said quietly to the doctor. The doctor looked at Steve in surprise.

"Just one?" He questioned back. Steve smiled at his response. Normally Steve would have about a million questions and if Alex was there she would have hit him for not being able to control himself. The thought of Bucky hitting him made him restrain himself.

"Why me? There are others out there that would be way better super soldiers than me." Steve said softly to the doctor. But Erskine only smiled bitterly.

"I suppose that is the only question that matters," he then replied to Steve, "So many people forget that the first country that the Nazi's invaded was their own. You know, after the last war...my people struggled. They...they felt weak. They felt small. And then Hitler comes along with the marching and the big show and the flags and the… and the…," He motioned with his hand, "And he...he hears of me, my work and he finds me. And he says, you… he says you will make us strong. Well, I am not interested. So he sends the head of Hydra, his research division. A brilliant scientist by the name of Johann Schmidt. Now, Schmidt is a member of the inner circle and he is ambitious. He and Hitler share a passion for a cult power and Teutonic myth. Hitler uses his fantasies to inspire his followers. But for Schmidt it is not fantasy. For him, it is real. He has become convinced that there is a great power in the earth, left there by the Gods, waiting to be seized by a superior man. So when he hears about my formula and what it can do, he cannot resist. Schmidt must become the superior man." He finished.

Steve looked at the doctor. "Did it make him stronger?" Steve asked. The story had captured Steve's interest. Especially since it seemed to trouble Dr. Erskine so much that he was drunk. Erskine looked at the little man before answering.

"Yeah. But, there were other effects. The serum was not ready. But more important, the man. The serum amplifies everything that is inside. So, good becomes great. Bad becomes worse. This is why you were chosen. Because a strong man, who has known power all his life, will lose respect for that power. But a weak man knows the value of strength, and knows compassion." Erskine said looking at Steve.

Steve looked down and thought for a minute. "Thanks. I think." He watched as Erskine filled two glasses with alcohol. He handed a glass to Steve and kept one for himself.

"Whatever happens tomorrow, you must promise me one thing. That you will stay who you are. Not a perfect soldier, but a good man." Erskine said to Steve. Steve raised his glass in a toast. He would only stay who he was because of Bucky. She would kick his ass if he even had a thought about changing himself. He knew that she wouldn't agree with him going through with this experiment. But he had to do it. It was the only way to see his best friend again. He didn't want to risk not ever seeing her again. He couldn't imagine life without Bucky.

"To the little guys." Steve said raising his glass to drink from it, but he was stopped by the doctor. Dr. Erskine took the glass from Steve's hands and poured the alcohol into his own glass.

"No! No! Wait! Wait! What am I doing? No! You have a procedure tomorrow. No fluids." The doctor said, before drinking from that glass.

"Alright. We'll drink it after." Steve said, not completely put off by the lack of alcohol.

Dr. Erskine laughed and said, "No! I don't have procedure tomorrow. Drink it after! Drink it now!" Steve smiled. A drunken Erskine reminded him of a drunk Bucky. She always held her alcohol better than him, but she was a funny drunk. It reminded Steve of a simpler time before the war. How he wished they could go back to that time.

Steve laid down on his bed. He was anxious for his procedure tomorrow. It would forever change his life. He would no longer be the skinny kid from Brooklyn. He would be an American hero. He would no longer be the kid that was bullied. He would no longer need Bucky to protect him. He frowned. Would the relationship he had with her change? He didn't want to lose her because he had changed himself. But at the same time he wanted their relationship to change. He and Alex always said that they loved each other. Could he be feeling a deeper kind of love for his best friend? If he did, he needed to act on it before one of them was killed.

* * *

 **Alex pov:**

Alex couldn't believe it. She and her men had been captured by Hydra. At least some of them got away. Their plan was infallible. The only way to have been caught was to have someone fuck it up. That was exactly what had happened. One of the men had accidentally shot one of the lower level Hydra guards. That shot had alerted the base to their presence and ultimately led to their capture. She sat in a cell surrounded by the other soldiers. Every now and then a soldier would take a few men and those men would never return. Alex wasn't exactly sure what happened to those men, but she believed they were being experimented on. It made sense. That's why they weren't being brought back. The experiments were killing them.

They hadn't come for anyone in a while. There were guards around where they were being held that would leer at her and antagonize the men. She stood up and walked over to where James Morita sat. He was a part of the 107th but was often left out because many believed him to be fighting for imperial Japan. He was one of her friends in the 107th. She befriended him because he reminded her of Steve. He was fighting against all odds. She sat down beside him and smiled. "Sergeant Barnes, how are you?" He asked. Alex smiled and said, "It's just Alex. And I'm doing fine for being trapped in this hellhole." He laughed and went to say something but was cut off by one of the guards. "Hey sweetheart, you should come over here and we'll let you go. But you gotta do something first. A nice fuck oughta do. Don'tcha think?" He said hanging by the bars. Alex lost her smile and stood back up. She walked over to the guard. "Fuck off, you asshole." She said slowly, enunciating every word. The guard smirked and turned to the guys that always came and took soldiers. "Take her this time. The doctor will love her." He said to the two men. They nodded and opened the cell and pulled her out.

Alex tried to pull away from the men holding her but one yanked her back by her hair. She laughed through the pain. "You guys really know how to treat a woman. It's a miracle if you've ever actually fucked a woman. Or do you just gratify each other?" She said. The second guard pulled his hand back and punched her in the face, busting open her lip. The blood ran into her mouth and stained her teeth, she smiled anyway. The men behind her, still in the prison were threatening to kill the guards for touching her in such a way. The guards started taking her back into what seemed to be a lab. To Alex's surprise it was semi-sterile. The two men holding her forced her to lay on a table and they strapped her down to it. They made sure she couldn't move, as it would affect the experiment.

"Fraulein, it is unfortunate that we must meet in these circumstances but you seem to be the best candidate for our little experiment. I am Dr. Zola. Before we begin, I would like to know your name. It will only be better if you tell me, then I won't have to go searching for those pesky tags you soldiers wear." A short man, now known as Dr. Zola, said coming out of a corner in the laboratory. Alex debated with herself. Would she rather tell him her name or have him pull her tags out of her shirt? She made her decision. And it was the fastest decision she had ever made.

"My name is Alexandra Barnes. And what kind of experiment do you mean?" She said semi-nervously. The doctor gave a small smirk and moved to her right side and searched her hand for a vein. Once he found one, he took a syringe filled with a bright blue liquid and injected it into her.

"You do not need to know Fraulein Barnes. But I do apologize, for this will burn immensely if it works right. If not, you will die immediately." Dr. Zola told while moving around to a better position to view the liquid's effect on her body. She felt panic rising in her and she began to feel the liquid burn as it circulated through her body. It began to intensify and it became unbearable. Alex began to scream as the pain overtook her body and the liquid mixed with her blood. Dr. Zola smirked as she screamed.

"Do not worry Fraulein, the experiment is already beginning to work. I am going to make you the greatest woman in the world. And greatness cannot be achieved without a little pain." Zola stated, although Alex could not hear him over her own screaming. Alex was longing for Steve. She remembered how Steve said that he had been accepted. Now she hoped he would come for her and be her hero. Steve gave her the strength to hold on. She only hoped that he came to her soon. She could only hold on for so long. She knew that when she saw him next that she had to tell him how she felt. She had fallen in love with her best friend. Being experimented on made her realize that she needed to tell him, even if he didn't feel the same way. She only hoped she was rescued before she died and didn't get to tell Steve. She needed her hero to come.

 **A/N I think I have made my decision and hopefully it will play out well. On a side note unrelated to this story, I stayed outside too long and burned the fuck out of myself. So it's become increasingly uncomfortable to do anything. So I would expect more chapters to come up this week until it goes away. ~Jess**


	5. Transformations and Memories

After Erskine left him alone for the night Steve found that sleep escaped him. He was anxious. Tomorrow he would undergo a procedure that would forever change his life. He wouldn't be the same scrawny kid from Brooklyn. His body would be altered to allow him to fight without all the medical issues he was facing now. The only thing that caused him to hesitate was that Bucky wasn't there to help through it or to tell him that he was making the biggest mistake. He knew that she loved him for who he was. She constantly told him that he didn't need to change. It was too late now. He was about to leave for the procedure and Alex was across an ocean fighting. He didn't even know how she was doing. Letters from her stopped coming weeks before he left. He hadn't received a condolence letter, but that gave him little reassurance.

He exited the building and found Peggy Carter waiting for him in a cab. Steve found that Peggy reminded him a lot of Alex. They both were strong women that didn't let anyone dictate their lives due to their gender. One big difference that Steve had found between the two women was that Alex was easier to anger than Peggy. Peggy gave off a calm annoyance when angry while Alex became sarcastic and defensive. He sat beside Peggy and the cab started once more toward their final destination.

The streets flew by to Steve but he recognized most of them. He had been in fights in a lot of them. "I know this neighborhood. I got beat up in that alley. And that parking lot. And behind that diner." Steve commented quietly to Peggy to try and make a conversation with the intimidating woman. She looked down at the small man with a smirk on her face.

"Did you have something against running away?" She asked as she looked back toward the streets of Brooklyn trying to imagine the man that sat beside her getting into fight with men much bigger than him. The image amused her and she had to repress a smile.

"You start running they'll never let you stop. You stand up, push back. Can't say no forever, right?" Steve shot back at the woman. He thought for a moment and continued. "Besides Bucky never let them give me more than a few bruises. The other man was a completely different story." Steve smiled softly at the memory of the fights Alex had saved him from.

Peggy let a small smile grace her face as she empathized with the small man. "I know a little of what that's like. To have every door shut in your face." She said quietly thinking about her experience trying to get into the military.

"I guess I just don't know what you'd want to join the army if you're a beautiful dame. Or a beautiful… a woman. An agent, not a dame! You are beautiful, but…" Steve cut himself off before he embarrassed himself further or revealed his true feelings about Alex.

Peggy stared down at Steve trying to figure out if this was how he talked to any woman he met. All flustered and insecure. "You have no idea how to talk to a woman, do you?" She asked him with a hint of amusement .

Steve shook his head. "The only person I talk to is Bucky. This is the longest conversation I've had with one. Women aren't exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on." Steve responded leaving out that Alex had tried to get him to dance with other women and had even tried to get him to dance with her.

Peggy looked astonished at the man beside her. All men have danced at least once in their lives. "You must have danced?"

Steve laughed nervously from beside of her. "Well, asking a woman to dance always seems so terrifying. And the past few years it didn't seem to matter that much. Figured I'd wait." Steve left off at that. He was actually waiting for Alex. He wanted to be ready to dance with her and have her to be his only dancing partner.

Peggy was once again confused. Why exactly did he have to wait? Surely there was one woman who wouldn't turn him down. "For what?" She questioned.

He smiled bitterly thinking of what could have happened had this war not started. "The right partner." Was the only answer he gave to the British woman. They had finally arrived at their destination. He was saved from having to answer anymore questions she may have had about him. He knew that she wouldn't be satisfied if he continued to give vague answers. If he had to be honest,the less everyone here knew about him the better.

After Peggy had given the choice phrase to the woman guarding the door, the duo entered the hidden lab. Steve was taken aback by the amount of people that had gathered to watch him transform into this super soldier. The one person he wanted to be here wasn't going to be there and that made him immensely nervous. He sat down in the chair that the nurses had been quick to point out to him. They made him lay down as they began to strap him into the device.

He noticed the small group of people who had gathered to watch his transformation. The one person he wanted to be there wasn't there and he wasn't even sure that she was okay. He noticed that Erskine had started to talk to the people gathered. His mind wandered away from Alex and he focused on what the doctor was saying.

"Ladies and gentlemen, today we take not another step toward annihilation, but the first step on the path to peace. We will begin with a series of micro injections into the subjects major muscle groups. The serum infusion will cause immediate cellular change. And then to stimulate growth, the subject will be saturated with vita rays." Erskine stated into the microphone he held. Steve swallowed thickly, he didn't understand what the doctor was saying but it didn't sound pleasant. He knew that Alex would have understood some of what Erskine said and it reminded him of the day that she had decided to become a nurse.

* * *

 _Brooklyn, New York October 17, 1935:_

Up until their days of high school, Alex and Steve were at the same school. It was when they reached their first year of high school that it had been mandatory for them to be in classes with only the same sex. Luckily they were still at the same school and were able to socialize with each other. The girls were expected to learn how to keep a home and raise a family while the boys were taught math, science, and literature. If they were lucky they were taught art.

Going to the school made Steve smile almost everyday of the week. It wasn't because he enjoyed school but because he enjoyed the way Alex was forced to dress feminine for once in her life. The school required her to wear a dress that at least came to her knees and had three quarters length sleeves, stockings that came above the knee and were held up by garters, and her only pair of good shoes. Her hair was always half up and half down, and her curls were wilder than ever on school days.

At school they only talked to each other, and the other kids didn't seem to mind. Though it caused Steve to be bullied over only have a girl for a friend and that set Alex off. Three days out of five she was in the principal's office being punished for hurting a male student. Her track record of fighting is what made her teacher's laugh at her the day she said she wanted to be a nurse to help people. One of them told her that she would be better off learning to control her temper and become a housewife, that women had no place in healthcare.

That day was one of the few days that Steve had disrespected an authority figure. He was given a verbal warning and was told, "to not encourage Ms. Barnes' delusion." That made him even more mad but Alex gave him a look and told him to stop. That was over a month ago at the beginning of their last year of high school. Being told that she couldn't do it made her want to do it even more.

Alex and Steve were walking to school that Thursday when she told him some exciting news. They lived thirty minutes away from the school, so it gave them plenty of time to talk. "Steve, I got an interesting letter yesterday." Alex said, nudging him in the ribs gently. It made Steve's head pop up to look at his taller friend. They had both had their final growth spurts and it had left Steve at a small 5'4 and Alex at the height of 5'10. Alex was rather tall for a girl and that left her open to ridicule by other girls, but the boys loved that she wasn't dainty like the rest.

"Well, tell me what it said." Steve said impatiently to Alex, who only grinned back down at him. She was drawing it out on purpose. She loved to watch Steve get all worked up about something.

"It was from the hospital. It was quite an interesting read if I do say so myself." She replied back vaguely. Steve's face clouded with worry. All he could think now was that she was sick or that she had gotten herself pregnant somehow. For some reason the thought of her being pregnant by some random guy made his stomach turn over.

"Alexandra, tell me damn it or I'm gonna start making assumptions. And then we'll both be pissed off." Steve said pointing a bony finger at his best friend. Alex laughed at him and pulled him in for a hug.

"Alright then Steven. The letter was an acceptance letter. It said they would be honored to have me begin my nursing career there. I get to start three months before our graduation this year." Alex finally told him what the letter contained. Steve stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and looked at her with a shocked expression.

"Bucky, that's great! You'll still be coming to school right?" He asked her. That was the only thing that worried him and it was kind of selfish but he didn't want to lose his best friend. Alex only laughed.  
"Of course I will punk. I will go to the hospital after school for training and I get the weekends off. I would never leave you." Alex said pulling him into a tight hug while they were stopped. Steve smiled against Alex's dress and hugged her back.

"You better not leave me jerk." Steve mumbled against Alex. She smiled and pulled him away to look at him.

"I couldn't stand to leave you on your own. Besides, who will save your ass when you get into those fights." Alex said in all seriousness. She had accomplished her goal and was dead set on helping Steve do the same with his artistic talent. They had nothing helping them and she didn't plan on letting anyone stop them.

* * *

 _Present Day:_

Steve smiled at the memory of him and Alex from high school. Dr. Erskine was coming over to him with a syringe filled with some sort of liquid. He wasn't sure what it was but he held his breath as the needle was inserted into his arm. He released it when the needle was pulled out. He looked at the doctor, thinking that was the only thing that he would be injected with. "That wasn't so bad." He said.

Dr. Erskine looked at him and said lowly, "That was penicillin." Steve swallowed nervously as they closed the capsule around him and sat him upright. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Erskine knocked on the glass of the capsule which was way above Steve's head. "Steven, can you hear me?"

Steve channeled his inner Alex and said, "It's probably too late to go to the bathroom, right?" The sarcasm seemed lost on everyone but it was just what Alex would have said. Erskine simply turned toward Howard Stark and motioned for him to begin the process. Howard began to turn all the dials up until they reached a hundred percent. The vita rays began to hit Steve's body as the serum was also injected into his muscles. Steve screamed as the pain began to become too much.

"Steven!" Erskine yelled at about the same time that Peggy yelled.

"Shut it down!"

"Kill the reactor, Mr. Stark! Kill the reactor!" Erskine yelled at Howard Stark who moved to turn the machine off. They only stopped once Steve yelled out to them.

"No! Don't! I can do this!" Steve yelled. The only thing that was keeping him from quitting was the thought of Alex being disappointed. He didn't ever want to disappoint her. He hadn't ever and he wouldn't start now. He gave one last scream of pain as the infusion completed. He was panting and he leaned his head back against the capsule. It opened up to reveal the new him. He was taller and stronger than he ever though he could be. He was still breathing heavy and he was covered in sweat from the strain his body had just went through.

His only thought was how was Alex going to react to the new him. He wasn't sure that she would approve after years of telling him to accept how he was made and use what he was given to move forward in life. That was the only thing that would ever make him regret doing this. He only hoped that his Bucky would still love him.

 **A/N Sorry it has taken so long, class has started back and I have just now had a break to be able to write and post. Let me know what you think, I apologize that there wasn't much of Alex except for in the flashback. I'll try and fix that in the next chapter. This was focused more on Steve wondering what Alex would think of the supersoldier serum.**

 **~Jess**


	6. Shows and Surgeries

It had been weeks since Alex had been taken back into the room where Dr. Zola had began his experiments on her. She blacked out for most of the experimentation but she knew that he was constantly injecting a blue fluid in her. It burned like hell every time it was injected. She noticed that the injections were becoming more frequent and it worried her that they were almost done. If they were done then their experiment was successful. It seemed as if they increased the amount they injected her with every time.

She was still holding out for someone to rescue her, but everyday that hope she held slowly faded. She was coming to the realisation that no one was coming for her. She wondered how Steve was faring back in Brooklyn. She missed him terribly and wished that she could get back to him somehow. Alex was determined to get back to him. Her experience with Hydra had made her realize that she needed to tell Steve how she felt about him.

The sound of footsteps brought her out of her thoughts. She listened to them and heard more than one person coming in. It was odd, as usually it was only Zola who came in to see her. He was only there for a couple minutes at a time. She couldn't imagine why he would stay longer or bring someone with him. Alex tried her best to avoid looking at Zola and whoever he had brought to witness her torture today. Zola had other ideas in mind as he motioned to one of the guards to force her to look at him. "Good morning Fraulein Barnes." Zola began talking to her with a smug smirk on his face.

"Actually it's Sergeant Barnes" Alex mumbled to the doctor now looking at him. She hated the way he acted like he was superior to her. His smirk always was in place before he started the injections.

"Very well, Sergeant Barnes. Today we have a very special surprise for you. It has been brought to my attention by my superior that you cannot be turned into our weapon unless we take away any possible distractions. So today, we will sterilise you so that we may continue with our experiment." Zola continued speaking. He motioned for a tray to be brought into the room. Alex stared in silent horror as he began prepping for the surgery. She never thought that Hydra would ever stoop to something so horrid in their path. And she knew now that she had underestimated them. "Now, normally this procedure is performed under anesthetic but seeing as we are considered bad we cannot get our hands on any. You will be awake and I will not lie and say it is painless because it is extremely painful. But our soldier will not be made without a little pain."

Zola's words shocked Alex. It was inhumane to operate on someone without even a numbing agent. Here she was about to lose everything society had told her she was good for. Even when the war was over she would be considered worthless. She would no longer be a suitable wife if she couldn't have children. It didn't bother her as much as it should, but they were still taking a large part of herself away.

Zola took her silence in stride and told the guards to hold her down as he began. He pulled her shirt up to reveal her stomach and covered her stomach in an antiseptic she believed was betadine. Once the orange colored liquid covered her stomach he reached for the scalpel that was on the tray. He looked up at her with that infuriating smirk and took in the fear in her eyes. "Do not worry Sergeant Barnes, I will be as quick as possible. We still have to give you your daily dose of your serum." He said before making a vertical incision on her stomach.

As soon as the blade cut through her skin she started to scream. The pain was worse than anything she had felt before. Even the burning of the blue liquid was nothing compared to this. He cut from her pubic bone up to her sternum, just to make sure he could remove it all. He cut deeper into her abdomen and only stopped when he came upon her uterus. He wanted to stare in wonder at the human body but knew he couldn't as she would bleed out it he continued to study it.

Alex looked down at her open abdomen and regretted it. She could see her insides and it wasn't helping the pain. She watched as Zola quickly severed her ovaries and uterus from the rest of her body. That was the last thing she saw as she passed out. Zola continued with the makeshift surgery. After he removed her reproductive system, he put the scalpel down and reached for the needle and wire. He carefully stitched her muscles back together and then he stitched her skin back together to prevent his patient from getting an infection.

Even though he had been unable to acquire anesthesia he had been able to get his hands on some penicillin. He would give it to her after he injected the serum. The sutures he had put into her skin were uneven and sloppy has he had never done it before. She would have a nasty scar afterward, but that was a minor detail compared to the big picture. He motioned for the men to let her go. She was no harm while unconscious. He discarded the bloody gloves he had on and picked up the bag that held his replication serum. Today would be the last day she would receive it. Her blood looked almost exactly like Schmidt's when observed under a microscope. This last dose would complete the experiment.

He hooked it into her left arm and began pumping it through her veins. This bag was larger than normal and would ensure that the serum took place and didn't need constant injections. It would take about an hour for the dose to be admitted. Zola would return later to check on his prized experiment. He had other things he had to do.

* * *

Steve was standing behind a curtain on a makeshift stage in Italy dressed in the most ridiculous outfit ever. It screamed America and he knew that if Alex was there to see him she would laugh her ass off. It would be the funniest thing ever to her and that made Steve smile. He looked at the fake shield they had given him to use. This would be one of hundreds of shows that he put on for the American people. It was kind of dumb, as Alex's voice in his head constantly reminded him. It was worth it if he was able to eventually get to fight in the war.

He took in a deep breath before walking out on stage. He stood in front of a bunch of soldiers who looked worn out. "How many of you are ready to help me sock old Adolf on the jaw?" Steve asked going along with his script that he had long since memorized. When the soldiers sat there in silence he continued along. "Okay. Uh… I need a volunteer?" It came out as a question when it was meant to be a statement. He wasn't quite sure how to handle the soldiers. Usually he did this for children.

"I already volunteered! How do you think I got here?" The soldier's remark made the rest of the crowd laugh, so he continued. "Bring back the girls!" He shouted. It elicited a cheer from the rest of the soldiers. Steve wasn't sure of what to do. He normally had Alex there to help him and he couldn't very well tell them to fuck off. After all they had just come back from battle.

"I think they only know the one song. But um… let me… I'll… I'll see what I can do." Steve stammered out. He wasn't used to this cold of a reception. It made him extremely nervous to be laughed at and mocked. It made him think of his days before the serum.

"You do that, sweetheart" The same soldier from before yelled.

"Nice boots Tinker Bell!" Another one yelled causing the crowd to laugh once more.

Steve frowned at this and said, "Come on, guys. We're all on the same team here." This caused another soldier to stand up.

"Hey, Captain! Sign this!" He yelled. He turned around and pulled his pants down. Steve sighed and walked off the stage. He took the stupid helmet off and rubbed his face. He was so embarrassed. All he had been trying to do was raise their spirits and it wasn't even his idea. The stupid senator had him out there like a showgirl attempting to raise money. It infuriated him. Alex would have seen right through the senator and colonel. She would have gotten him into the fight.

It took him a moment to realize that Peggy was here and had probably witnessed the big fiasco. "What are you doing here?" He asked her. He was surprised that she was here. The last he knew she was in London.

"Officially I'm not here at all." She stopped and looked at him for a minute. "That was quite a performance." She continued, referencing his attempt with the soldiers. Steve grimaced. He really had hoped that she didn't see that.

"Yeah. Uh… I had to improvise a little bit. Crowds I'm used to are usually more uh…" He cut off, not exactly sure what he was going to say. Peggy took advantage of his pause and began to speak once more.

"But I understand you are America's new hope?" It was more of a question than a statement. Almost like she wasn't sure of it herself.

"Bond sales take a ten percent bump in every state I visit." He said, almost quoting something that Senator Brandt had told him a while back.

Peggy seemed to notice it as well. "Is that Senator Brandt that I hear?" She asked almost sarcastically. Steve smiled. It reminded him of Alex and how he really missed that they hadn't talked in months now.

"At least he's got me doin' this. Phillips would have had be stuck in lab." Steve shot back at Peggy, irritated about his current situation. He would rather be out fighting for his country than to be a showgirl.

"And these are your only two options? A lab rat or a dancing monkey? You were meant for more than this, you know?" Peggy asked. She was quick witted, similar to Alex. Steve opened his mouth to respond, but he quickly shut it. "What?" Peggy asked.

Steve smiled faintly. "You know for the longest time I dreamed about coming overseas and be on the front lines. Serving my country. I finally get everything I wanted, and I'm wearing tights." The irony of his situation was not escaping him. It was cruel.

Peggy looked up at Steve and sighed. What she was about to tell him was classified. She could get into trouble for telling him, but he needed something to make him understand. "Schmidt sent out a force to Rosano. Two hundred men went up against him and less than fifty returned. Your audience contained what was left of the one-oh-seventh. The rest were killed or captured." She finally said.

Steve's head shot up as he heard her say that. His heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach. He felt as if he couldn't breath, but at the same time he had to verify that he had heard her correctly. "The one-oh-seventh?" He asked shakily. He stood up and looked for something.

"What?" Peggy was confused as to why he would focus on the one detail instead of the big picture. Steve finally focused on one thing. He found the person he was looking for. He left Peggy and ran over to where Colonel Phillips was currently sitting.

He came to a stop in front of the Colonel. "Colonel Phillips?" Steve said lowly. The Colonel looked up at Steve briefly before going back to the papers in front of him.

"Well, if it isn't the star spangled man with a plan. And what is your plan today?" Colonel Phillips said almost sarcastically to Steve. But Steve wasn't in the mood for it at the moment. He was so close to finding out if his best friend was dead or alive.

"I need the casualty list for Rosano." Steve said instantly almost cutting the Colonel off.

"You don't get to give me orders, son." Was the only reply he received.

"I just need one name. Sergeant Alexandra Barnes from the hundred and seventh." Steve persisted. He really needed to know and he couldn't wait until the war ended to find out.

Colonel Phillips turned and pointed at Peggy. "You and I are gonna have a conversation later that you won't enjoy."

"Please tell me if she's alive, sir. B-A-R…" Steve kept trying. His heart was racing and he could barely hear. It was surreal for him. He could be told that his one and only friend was dead and he didn't know that he wanted to find out.

" I can spell. I have signed more of these condolence letters today than I would care to count. But the name does sound familiar. I'm sorry." The answer that came out of his mouth devastated Steve. He felt as if his heart had been ripped in half. His best friend was gone. The one girl he could talk to was dead. He wasn't sure how he was going to go on from here. His one constant was forever gone. He never got to tell her that he was in love with her.

 **A/N Sorry for being gone so long but I just get so busy and distracted in life and forget to write even if this story is always in the back of my mind. I think I've made my mind up on the way this story will work out in regards to the relationships between certain people, but I'm always open to suggestions. Steve finally admits to himself that he is in love with Alex but he believes that he won't be able to tell her or ever see her again.**

 **On another note, RIP Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds. It has been a sad week for their family and thoughts go out to them as they lay both to rest. They will both be missed dearly by friends, family, and fans. ~Jess**


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